I’ve loved you since the day we first met
But you hurt me to my core nonetheless
Not directly, i know you would never do that
Now play this song in a somber b-flat
To know your past was okay with me
To know that nothing you’ve been through will ever be
But to know every guy you’ve been with, the number suprised me
Left me with my heart ever aching
Every time I touch, kiss, lick you
Has me think, it’s a place your men have been through.
Not a place I can go is really alone
To hold myself on the mightiest of thrones
Men from your past flooding my mind
But you my dear, ever so kind
Telling me not to think of such awful things
But many a men in mind before I can blink
I don’t want you feeling guilty or bad
But know that it’s hard for me to get over what you had
To know I might not be enough to compare
To think of the variety, should I even dare
Am I too fat, too nerdy, too tall?
Am I really the best you had out of them all?
To complement my size and my ability to please.
Am I really what you say with such simplicity?
How many eyes have you seen through
How many bodies caressed, putting forth a coup
How many invited to your bed
The same one I sleep on, oh dread
You tell me you had tinder with a fellow employee
Does he brag to his friends, does he always eye you?
Do You both relive the experience whenever he’s near you?
Who else in your daily life have you been so close to?
This is what tears me, right down to my core
To know these people you see often, I abhore
Thinking of you thinking of them, I can’t imagine
The shit you’ve experienced in the bedroom, what are my chances
It’s part of my nature to feel competitive with ego
I always wanted to be your only one, but will you let me go?
To know you can find someone so simply in life
When it took me months and many a strife
Feeling unworthy, can I even compare?
I know that you love me and really do care
But it won’t stop these feelings, this anger, this STOP
I want it to stop, my head, please guillotine, chop!
To end it all now would save me the trouble
But watch this stone skip, it was only a pebble
Watch something so small accomplish so much
I only wanted me to be the only one you touched
I lay here crying, in the dark in your arms
Sniffing and teary, far from your charm
Not wanting but also hoping for you to notice,
Me at my worst from gods given lotus
I see you and feel the love flood through
But clench what’s near me, with the thoughts that make me blue
Such anger I hate feeling from somewhere so dark
I don’t bring it up or share in fear of our part
I know I’ve said it’s forgotten, forgiven, what’s done
Your past life, already lived, not redemptive
Its so hard to do, I can’t move on from this point
Now to forget the world and let’s light up this joint
I love you but I’m hurting